After peeling off another too-small shirt I'd squeezed myself partly into, a familiar wave of thoughts crossed my mind: You're fat. And ugly. Nerdy with a side of Geek.
When I was shopping with my mom and sister last weekend, it seemed that store after store had run out of normal people sizes. I could find fours, twos, and zeros aplenty. And a size I hadn't seen before: double zeros. Extra-extra small. Who could ever wear that size?! Well, my sister could. That's who.
I felt too embarrassed to leave the dressing room. I compared myself and found myself lacking. If only I had smaller upper arms. If only I had smaller boobs. Then....
Then what? I'd be beautiful? Loved? Accepted?
I know better than that. But sometimes I forget.
As I sat on the bed that evening, looking through the pictures from the week, another wave of self-depreciating thoughts washed over me. I decided to be brutally honest.
"Babe," I snuggled up to Brian. "I've felt really, really, ugly and unattractive all day. I just need to know that you still love me and you think I'm beautiful."
Brian is good at making me feel loved. His reassurances helped. Then the next day, I read a post from Without Adornment, "
Self, You are Beautiful," and I realized,
"I'm not alone." Her post led me to Jill's
I Am Beautiful Project. I love how God brings you just what you need at just the right time!
"Contrary to what the world claims, Beauty does not diminish with time; Beauty deepens and increases…true beauty comes from a depth of soul that can only be attained through living many years well.” -Stasi Eldrege from Captivating
"The Lord delights in those who fear Him,
Who put their hope in His unfailing love."
-Psalm 147:11
I need to be reminded. Often.
And so do you.
Since I have no finished craft projects to show you as the result of my spring break, I wanted to show you the results of the shopping that my mom, sister, and I did instead. It wasn't easy to take any of the pictures in this post. For one, because I don't have a tripod or someone to take the picture for me, and two, I couldn't get very good lighting on most of them. But aside from the mechanics, I had a hard time not being critical of how I looked. I had to be reminded of God's opinion of me. I had to silence those if only and not enough voices.
***
Note: The items I bought are in bold, the rest are things I already had.
Outfit #1.
Black tee from Vanity
Teal scarf from Walmart
Skinny stretch jeans from Target
You can see what I mean about having troubles with the lighting. But I wanted to include that picture because it shows the scarf better than any of the others.
It's a very long, soft, and comfy sweater. Perfect for cozy, rainy days, like the one we had last Monday.
My mom actually bought this for me. It was on sale for $20!
Outfit #2
Navy blue tank from Old Navy
Jeans same as above
Shoes from Payless Shoes Store
I love this shirt. It's very light and flowing, and gray is one of my favorite colors. It too was on sale, and I think it was worth the $30 I spent on it. It will also look good with pink, and I wore it earlier this week with a bright yellow tank. So there's a few outfits with it I can make, just by switching the tank.
Outfit #3
Gray tank from Old Navy
Rose bracelet from Claires
Same jeans and shoes
Pink has really grown on me lately! Especially pink with gray. This shirt is so soft and silky, and it has a nice swing to it. I'm having trouble coming up with other outfits, unfortunately. I bought this before reading about coming up with three outfits you can wear with it before buying it.
Outfit #4
Gray shirt from Loft
And the same jeans again
This sweater was on sale for $11! It's become one of my all-time favorite things to wear. It's kinda interesting, because it is super long in the front!
See what I mean? But in the back it's a normal length. So I often tie the front, and that keeps it from getting caught on things.
Outfit #5
Retro dress from Goodwill
Belt, I don't remember
Along with all the fancy shops we went to, I took mom and Evi to my Goodwill, and I found this dress. No else seemed to think it was as awesome as I did. I mean, look at the color! It's gorgeous! And it pretty much fits me! Compared to my
other project dress, this one's not bad.
You all had great suggestions for my other dress. Once I get my sewing machine figured out, I will let you know how it goes. What do you suggest for this dress? I'm thinking making it shorter. I do love the sleeves, but I might have to make them shorter.
***
Over and over, I have to tell God the same thing I said to Brian, "I just need to know that you still love me and you think I'm beautiful."
What about you? What helps you silence those voices?
Special announcement: I'm in the final stages of tweaking my new blog design! I hope to have it up and running within the next few days, so maybe next time you're here, things will look a little different!
Also, because of the wonderful comments and questions I've received after Wednesday's post, I've got a few more fashion posts in the works for us fashionably challenged people. Let me know if you have any specific questions you'd like answered, and I'll work them in!
Labels: beauty, Fashion, Healthy body image, style
