Sometimes, the beauty of dark times in our lives is being able to clearly hear God's voice.
Let me explain. For the past several days, I've been wallowing. You know, what you do after a break up. Sleep until noon every day, stay up until 4 am. watching youtube videos, and eat lots of ice cream. And cupcakes. A lot of cupcakes.
I feel like I'm going through a break up. Like my eight month engagement got called off at the rehearsal dinner.
That analogy isn't my words, it's how my former business partner described it. I planned to post an update on my confidence challenge today, about the confidence I've gained from starting a business. Not Scribbles Shoppe, this company started eight months ago and involved two other business partners. That's what my second and final big announcement was all about. We were going to launch Saturday. Well...it just didn't work out. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
I'm not mad. We're still friends. I totally agree with the decision. I'm just really, really, disappointed.
My confidence in my ability to be an entrepreneur is pretty much shattered right now. But I know that wallowing isn't accomplishing anything, other than adding back those recently shed pounds. Did I mention the cupcakes? Help.
I need to find the good in this situation. I need to know it wasn't all for nothing. I need to learn something from this.
- Good: it ended when it did, not after officially launching.
- Good: I learned so much about the modern crafting community that I otherwise wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn about.
- Good: I got to start drawing again, after a hiatus that was way too long.
- Good: I discovered that I really, really love drawing and painting, and I miss making art.
- Good: I rediscovered embroidery, and I'm actually tempted to get into quilting.
- Good: I'm learning that it's ok to fail.
- Good: I get to learn how to move forward after failure.
- Good: I get to look for new opportunities.
- Good: I'm learning how to readjust my sails.
- Good: God is still faithful.
The morning after this all went down, I sat at my desk and pulled out my Bible and prayer journal for my morning devotions. I started to unzip my Bible case, and then paused. I held it to my chest and closed my eyes. "God, I really, really need to hear from you today. Please."
I took a deep breath, and opened to my bookmark in Psalms. My reading for the day was Psalm 25.
In you, Lord my God,
He reminded me that He is still good. He is still loving. And He is still faithful to me.
I put my trust.
I trust in you;
do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you, Lord, are good.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.
They will spend their days in prosperity,
and their descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.
Look on my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how numerous are my enemies
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
do not let me be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope, Lord, is in you.
Deliver Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!
I don't know what's next. I'm really not sure what the future holds for this blog, my Etsy shop, or my job. I haven't really figured out my options yet going forward. But, I can choose to still trust Him, and wait for his leading.
How can I build my confidence through this failure? By believing this:
For you, O Lord, are good.
Labels: Business, Confidence, Faith, Life, Spiritual Growth